GROCERY STORE OF THE DAMNED

In the front of the store (the section that might as well be labelled "Please steal this shit because we can't get rid of it any other way"): An improbably large number of 16-ounce jars of "pickled herring in sour cream." I say 'improbably large' because the sheer fact that there is more than, say, one of these in existence flummoxes me.

Inspected, then replaced on the shelf: a small tub of Kozy Shack rice pudding. I loves me some Kozy Shack pudding, but I don't loves this:

SELL BY: MAY 28 05

In the pasta aisle: "Meat Flavored Spaghetti Sauce." Ponder that for a moment. Meat. Flavored.

The Pickle of Meaning

I happened to notice my tube of toothpaste has this printed on it:

FOR BEST RESULTS, SQUEEZE TUBE FROM THE BOTTOM AND FLATTEN AS YOU GO UP.

"For best results." Toothpaste is ostensibly for cleaning the teeth. Does that mean if I squeeze from the bottom, the toothpaste will clean my teeth more effectively? No, it just means I'll get more paste out of the tube.

Are the manufacturers admitting here that their toothpaste in fact does nothing? Is toothpaste merely some kind of fetish object?